In the Netherlands, sexual education may be taught from preschool , but this is not usually the case in Spain, nor in South Africa, where this article wasoriginally published and where sex is usually a taboo subject among young people.
For many girls, learning about sex is a matter of trial and error.
1. “It’s very important to enjoy it! If you’re not liking it, directly tell it to stop and go eat something.”
2. “Nothing happens to have sex without commitment, you do not have to call anyone a fox because of that, or yourself”.
3. “I have friends who will not sleep with their boyfriend if they have not washed their teeth before or if they have not shaved, but there is no need to be strictly prepared for sex. Just let yourself go and have fun.”
4. “You can -and should- say NO as soon as there is something that does not seem right to you, you dress and you go, it’s as simple as that, trust your instincts, in sex you do not have to act like a gut.”
5. “Ask for what you want, tell it to go slower or faster or to touch you in some concrete way, it’s the only way you can enjoy it”.
6. “It’s okay to be selfish, I used to think it was more important to please the other person, but over time I’ve learned to prioritize my own desires.”
7. “The first time a man ejaculates inside you can be quite overwhelming, in plan: where is that going, what’s going on now, is he going to stay there?”
If this ever happens to you, get up and leave.
8.”I recently had an experience with an uncle that I used to sleep with the first time, I did not have condoms, so I said, ‘No, we can not have sex.’ And he said: ‘Are you sure you do not? You’re a lesbian, because nobody says no to this. ”
9. “I wish I knew there was nothing to wait until I was 30.”
Of course nothing happens. And if for someone it is a problem, that is to endure. Do not keep sex if you do not want to. You do not have to be ashamed of it.
10. “I wish I had known that the man with whom I lost my virginity had nothing to do with me, he treated sex as if nothing, and for me it is something valuable, special and important.”
11. “Sex is also for you … Do not be a mattress”.
12. “For me the biggest myth is that you are going to maintain a link with the person with whom you lose your virginity, it’s a lie, that was always my biggest fear, it’s not true in all cases.”
13. “You are not forced to have sex just because the other person wants to.”
Sex is not a duty towards your partner. You are not there to serve him. Just do it if you like it too.
14. “It’s okay to try new things, as long as you feel comfortable, you should not feel pressured or harassed.”
15. “Men have feelings and, sometimes, little sexual appetite.”
16. “I can also take condoms, and even lubricant, and that does not make me a whore.”
17. “My virginity does not define me as a woman”.
18. “Making fellatio is not an act of submission at all, in fact, it is very powerful, very liberating.”
19. “You can have sex with as many people as you want, that does not make you a bad person.”