Seven tips from sexologists for a woman to reach orgasm

But above all, remember: your orgasm is for you, not to feed the other person's ego.

Sex therapists are aware of the problems that some women have to reach orgasm .

The sex is not just about reaching the climax, but it is clear that wonderful feeling that makes it much better.

Many women find it difficult to have orgasms when they masturbate, they only have problems when it comes to sex with another person. If you fit that description, you’re not the only one, far from it.

In fact, in a survey by Cosmopolitan magazine in 2015 in which 2300 women between 18 and 40 years old participated, it was discovered that only 57% of women have an orgasm always or almost always when they have sex with another person. At the other extreme, according to Elisabeth A. Lloyd in The Case of the Female Orgasm , is a group of between 5% and 10% of women who have never experienced an orgasm, or masturbating with a sexual partner.

 But calm, that there is hope. The American edition of the biography tree has contacted three sexual therapists and has compiled their best advice to help you in your search for that desired orgasm.

First of all, why some women can not reach orgasm during sex?

The reasons can be physical, mental or emotional, according to sex therapist Ian Kerner .

“It may be due to lack of stimulation, not paying due attention to the clitoris, a low psychogenic or physiological excitement, or a problem in the relationship, such as lack of attraction, poor communication or anger,” says Kerner, author of the work They come first: the book for men who want to please women .

It is also important to consider psychological factors such as depression, anxiety, traumatic history or personal image problems, which can interfere with a woman’s ability to climax.

Some women also fail to reach orgasm by masturbating.

Here are also several factors that can interfere. Some women simply do not know what kind of stimulation (physical or otherwise) they need to reach orgasm, according to sex therapist Celeste Hirschman .

“Maybe they try to masturbate and, not knowing how, get bored and give up,” speculates Hirschman, co-author of the book Making Love Real: The Intelligent Couple’s Guide to Lasting Intimacy and Passion along with her partner Danielle Harel. “We teach women that they may have to move the pelvis and tighten the vaginal muscles and legs to reach orgasm.”

“They may also need to fantasize, read erotic texts or watch pornography, all this not only serves to excite, but also to forget the fear of failure,” continues the expert.

What if none of the above works? The difficulty to reach orgasm can also be due to the side effects of some medication, to some gynecological problem or to an erotic conflict about what turns you on (in other words, a taboo of your sexual identity).

And what do specialists recommend to their patients? These are his seven tips:

via GIPHY

Stimulates the clitoris …

According to the Cosmopolitan study , 38% of women who do not reach orgasm when they have sex with another person attribute it to the lack of clitoral stimulation .

“With regard to orgasms, both men and women should understand that the clitoris is the main driver of female orgasm and that most sexual positions do not favor the constant stimulation of the clitoris that is needed to produce an orgasm. You have to focus less on penetration and more on external stimulation,“recommends Ian Kerner.

Consider using a sex toy , such as a vibrator, your hand or that of your sexual partner to stimulate the clitoris during the preliminaries, penetration and other sexual games without penetration.

… but see little by little.

“I wish people understood that women’s excitement usually emerges in a gradual and progressive way that includes mental excitement as well as physical excitement,” says Celeste Hirschman, who adds: “Touching the clitoris too early can reduce excitement. of the woman, complicating the orgasm, the foolishness and the creation of a sexual tension increases the chances of the woman getting more intense orgasms “.

Go to a specialist with your partner or on your own to receive sex education.

The sexologist Sari Cooper asks her patients to tell her their history with details to know the extent of their education and sexual experience.

“What is sought is to identify which aspects of their sexuality are pleasing to them and so they can focus on them when they maintain relationships or masturbate,” says Cooper, host of the Sex Esteem online program .

“They learn exercises to relax the mind when they are full of worries, pessimistic thoughts and shame, problems that can prevent erotic pleasure and sexual arousal,” he adds.

He also recommends that his patients watch didactic videos about masturbation to learn different techniques and discover which ones work for them.

It may take time, but it is normal.

“Learning to reach orgasm is like learning to play an instrument, to dance a choreography or to master a yoga position, you need patience, practice, focus on relaxing your breathing and keeping perfectionist thoughts at bay. it is not to reach the destination, but to enjoy the way, which will allow pleasure to emerge, “Sari Cooper points out.

Do not underestimate the importance of psychological arousal.

“Often, when a person is not able to reach orgasm, it is because there is an inhibitor interfering: anxiety, discouragement, too many heads around whether or not he will achieve it …” lists Ian Kerner.

“Psychological stimulation, like fantasies, increases excitement and drives away inhibitors of the mind, too often relies on physiological arousal and does not pay enough attention to psychological stimulation,” he continues.

Remember: your orgasm is for you, not to feed the other person’s ego.

“If the pressure to reach orgasm is due to feelings of incompetence, frustration, or worse, anger from your sexual partner, then therapy should also focus on the relationship,” says Sari Cooper.

Forget expectations and go to yours.

“It is essential that you forget what you think about how an orgasm is and how much it costs to get in. There are too many movies out there of women screaming with pleasure when they are penetrated without any kind of clitoral stimulation. orgasms, your body and your mind will not go hand in hand or be relaxed, two key factors of what I call ‘ sex esteem ‘ (sexual self-esteem), confidence and tranquility to learn more about your erotic facet, “concludes Cooper.